Becoming Somebody

All in all, things around here at BecomingSomebody.com are going really well. Even though it doesn’t feel like it all the time, I really am getting a lot done. Writing is going well. I think I’ve done a decent job keeping this blog fresh and up to date. The only area that has taken a back seat is the documentary. For this I blame Lennon, of course.

I kid, Lennon. I kid.

Seriously, though, I need to get my ass in gear with this movie. Once we wrapped the trailer, I began to focus all my attention on the website and my stories. Considering I have nothing else to do from the time I wake up every morning, usually between 7:30 and 8:00, to the time I call it quits at 6:00, this should not be impossible for me to do. There is plenty of time to give the necessary attention to all aspects of this project.

History has shown that I am not the world’s foremost multi-tasker. I’m the type of person who likes to dedicate all his energy to one thing, finish that one thing, and then move on to another. Unfortunately that’s not a good strategy for the next six months. I need to be able to spread myself around and get myself organized.

I think I need an assistant to keep me on task and organize my days. If you, or anyone you know, is interested, please send an email to chris@becomingsomebody.com and let me know. Of course, I cannot provide any sort of financial compensation for your services, but I’m sure we can come to agreeable terms. If you are a student, it would be a great resume builder. If you’re not a student, it would give you an excuse not to go to actual work. Plus you’d be getting in on the ground floor of a budding creative storm that will soon flood the nation. Honestly, I can’t see a good reason not to be my assistant.

We can make this happen, people. What do you say?

I told myself I would keep this blog on a steady course, steering away from cheap jokes and celebrity gossip at all costs. But then I saw the “Kirby” story, and I just couldn’t stop myself. Now that I have that out of my system, I can get down to business.

I realized this morning that I have yet to explain in detail exactly what my motivations were for quitting my job and attempting to make it as a writer of stories and books and other highfalutin ideas. It can be difficult to articulate, I have to admit, but I feel I owe at least some explanation to anyone taking the time to visit this site. I certainly owe it to the people in my life who think what I’m doing is impractical, naive, or just plain dumb.

I’ve always been a smart kid, but I’m also incredibly insecure. I’m overweight. I have a speech impediment that still makes me feel uncomfortable, even though most people hardly notice it. Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m not the only one who has things about themselves they don’t really like. But when I was younger, I was a little more self-aware than the average elementary school kid, so these things weighed on me a little bit more and started to affect me from an earlier point in my life. I don’t remember ever feeling particularly childlike or carefree. I think my parents can attest to that.

The point of this whole story is that I spent a lot of time, at a very young age, inside my head. I felt more comfortable with my thoughts than I did with my words, than I did interacting with other people. I got by as a teenager pretending to have strong opinions, and I put forth an arrogant, sometimes abrasive front to mask how uncomfortable I felt in most every situation. I’m proud of the fact that I’ve grown up, though, and have managed to leave a lot of that baggage behind. But the kid in me is still there, and those feelings have formed the foundation of the person I am right now and the person whom I am trying to become.

For some reason, a few months after finishing college, I forgot all the growing up I did in three-and-a-half years away from home. My friends and I would often sit around and rail against things like corporate culture and nine-to-five lifestyles. Offices and corporate jobs are like high school. It’s not that I look down on that world; I just don’t fit into it. In order to feel comfortable, I have to morph back into that arrogant, unhappy prick I was for about five years. I hate that person, and I’m ashamed that a lot of good people I knew then probably still think I’m that guy. I knew all this when I took the job at the NBA, but for some reason I didn’t care. I think I was a little embarrassed to be making $8.50 an hour working at a bookstore cafe. I had degrees in journalism and philosophy from a good school. I even graduated a semester early. I felt I needed a job that justified all that. So I took the first one that came along.

I spent two years working the worst hours imaginable, barely seeing my girlfriend, never seeing my friends, and taking instruction from a person whose editorial and creative opinions I didn’t really respect. I understand, because I’ve been told it many times, that this is the way of the world; that no one really likes their job; that everyone thinks their boss is an idiot. You just have to deal with it until you make enough money to be the boss yourself. Welcome to Corporate America.

Well it’s not for me, and I don’t want it to be. I want to do the things I love to do, the way I love to do them. I want to feel inspired, and I want to inspire other people. I don’t particularly care about money, although I realize I need it if I want to maintain a certain degree of comfort in the bullshit socioeconomic construction that is 21st century Western culture.

That being said, I’m fortunate enough to be young and surrounded by people who want me to be happy. And in order for me to be happy I have to at least try to make it on my own terms. If it turns out I am unable to, then it’s back to the office for me.

For now, though, I want to write. There is something in me that I’ve been trying to communicate for most of the twenty-four years I’ve spent on this planet so far. I have this ability, but I don’t know if I can make it work. I just need to try. That’s why I’m doing what I’m doing right now. I guess it is my way of being true to the fat little kid in me, the one who’s too afraid to talk but too proud to shut up.

Coming tomorrow: The first Fiction Friday will feature a story I’m finishing up now, titled “I Wish Dick Cheney Would Up and Die Already.”

It’s taken two weeks, but www.BecomingSomebody.com is finally up and running, although there are still some issues to work out. Most of them are cosmetic, though, so we’re off to a pretty solid start.

I want use my first blog to thank Jake Goldman and Tim Hettler for doing the design work on the site. I am an enormous pain in the ass to work with, and a bit of a control freak as well, but they’ve dealt with me beautifully to this point.

I also want to say thank you to someone I’ve never actually met, but whose work is present on the site. A photographer named Wendy Savage graciously agreed to let me use her photo for the banner image at the top of this page. I recommend checking out her work.

Then there’s Genetic Control, whose song “Prime of My Life” is featured in the Becoming Somebody trailer. It worked about as well as any song I could have imagined. Thanks very much, gentlemen. You can get to know them a little better on MySpace.

I would be remiss if I neglected to thank my longtime friend and collaborator extraordinaire, Lennon Nersesian. He’s the man behind the camera, the editing equipment, and, in many ways, the entire project. I would be lost without his help. And he’s put up with me for about ten years, a feat accomplished by few outside my bloodline. He deserves a lot of credit.

And finally, of course, there’s Nicole. She inspires and supports me. She keeps me honest, in check, and in line, something no one else has ever been able to do. I would be a lesser man without her. I hope she knows that already.

So that’s pretty much it for the now. Hopefully I’ll have all the design issues resolved in the next day or two. I’ll start blogging for real tomorrow. I know many people are geared up for that. If you find yourself unable to hold out any longer, though, click here and here for more information on me and my crazy plans for the next six months.

Leave your comments, too. Feedback is always appreciated.

And please, watch the trailer.