Becoming Somebody

It shamed me to learn that two members of my beloved New York Metropolitans appeared in a YouTube video showing them at a cockfight in the Coliseo de Gallos (Rooster Coliseum) in Santo Domingo, the capital of the Dominican Republic. In the video, which was taken off YouTube due to an undisclosed terms of use violation, Pedro Martinez and Hall-of-Famer Juan Marichal were shown releasing two roosters into the fighting ring. Carlos Delgado was also seen in the video, though he did not throw any birds around the arena.

I’ve been doing some reading, and I’ve seen some things suggesting Martinez be handled the same way as Michael Vick; for some reason Delgado’s presence in the video hasn’t caused the same outrage, probably because he was only watching and not tossing chickens to their eventual slaughter. Now, I’m not saying this because these players happen to play for the team I root for with a European-soccer-hooligan-like zeal, but the comparisons to Vick are a little hyperbolic.

Even though I think people who take part in this so-called sport are violent and grotesque, and even though I think it should be banned throughout the world, Martinez and Delgado were in the Dominican Republic, where cockfighting is still legal, albeit inexplicably so. Had they been in some sleazy back alley in the Bronx engaging in similar activity, it would be a different story. But, unlike Vick, they broke no laws, so there’s nothing anyone can do to either throw them in jail or suspend them from play.

However, I do think they owe society something for their unethical participation in a cruel, inhumane activity, something that is for good reason banned throughout the United States. PETA has invited Martinez and Marichal to attend the ”Developing Empathy For Animals” training seminar, the same seminar Vick attended after being brought up on dogfighting charges. I hope they take PETA up on its offer, and I hope Delgado goes along with them. I also think the trio should make a sizable donation to an animal-rights charity and appear in PSAs that alert people to the horrors of animal cruelty.

For selfish reasons, I hope this becomes a non-story. Spring training is a week away. Johan Santana is in the fold. Things are looking good for the Metros. With any luck, the players will do the right thing, and the worst that will happen — other than what happened to Martinez’s rooster in the video — is that some bozos will where chicken costumes to Mets games.

I’ve been reluctant to blog about the Mets acquisition of the greatest pitcher on the planet, Johan Santana, in the days since they and the Twins agreed to a trade because I didn’t want to jinx the Mets’ efforts to complete the contract extension necessary to make the deal official. But now that my beloved Amazins have ponied up the cash and the years, and The Great Santana is a mere physical away from donning the orange and blue, I can finally let out a deep sigh of relief and enjoy what has to be one of the best on-paper trades in the history of the franchise.

To recap, the Mets sent Carlos Gomez, Phil Humber, Kevin Mulvey and Deolis Guerra to the Twins for Santana. A speedy outfielder with a good glove and suspect bat, two projected middle-of-the-rotation pitchers, and an unproven 18-year-old pitcher with a big upside in exchange for a soon-to-be-29-year-old lefty with two Cy Youngs, a mid-90s fastball and the best changeup in baseball. His “down year” last season looked like this: 15-13, 3.33 ERA, 235 Ks, 183 hits and only 52 walks in 219 innings. The guy is straight nasty. And he’s in his prime. And he’s now on the Mets. Needless to say, I’m excited to see him pitch next season.

However, as a Mets fan, I reserve the right to be a little cautious about any deal this cursed franchise makes. As any fan knows, they have a history of making trades and free-agent signings that look like no-brainers in the offseason but turn out to be busts once the winter turns to spring and summer. I don’t think this will happen to Santana. He’s just too good. But I’m not jumping up and down and guaranteeing the N.L. title just yet. This team has kicked me in the balls too many times in the past. But enough of that for now. I will enjoy this for a little while. At the very least, the deal has washed away the bitter taste of last season.

Will we ever advance far enough as a society that we will see hunting as barbaric and cruel, a fringe activity of whitetrash and rednecks, the type of thing done by people likely to join their state’s militia? For those hoping the answer to that question is, Yes, I have bad news.

I was perusing ESPN.com and came upon a new blog, Hunting365. Apparently, this guy Lynn Burkhead is some kind of “outdoorsman,” which I take as code for someone who goes to church, likes NASCAR and high school football, is afraid gay marriage will cause him to suddenly covet his dog and other animals sexually, believes the Civil War is still being fought, and kills peaceful animals for pretty much no reason at all.

Now I’ve never met Burkhead, so I don’t know if any of those characterizations are accurate. And I’m sure people like Burkhead think I’m some sort of liberal, hippie whack-job.

I mean, how could anyone not eat meat, right? And how could anyone not think it’s sweet to kill stuff with a high-tech precision bow and arrow set?

However, based on his bio, which I found on the website of some organization called the Outdoor Ministry Network, I’d wager my guesses into his character are not too far off. Here are a few snippets from the aforementioned bio (emphasis added):

Lynn Burkhead is a blessed man who is many things.

First and foremost, the Denison, Texas resident is a passionate follower of the Creator God, and His Son, Jesus Christ.

(You never want to piss off the Creator God and His Son, Jesus Christ by saying, of the many things you are, a proud husband and father come first and foremost. The Creator God and His Son, Jesus Christ, are jealous as a motherfucker.)

Lynn has served the body of Christ as a bi-vocational pastor, a church staff member, and as a Sunday morning Bible study teacher, his life’s passion is reaching and discipling men.

(That doesn’t sound gay.)

With authentic, high quality, and soul searching writings, Bible studies, adventure outings, and multi-media presentations, Lynn aims to speak the language of an outdoorsman’s heart, while helping him find, follow, and leave behind eternal tracks.

(Wait? What? Are they talking about The Creator God and His Son, Jesus Christ, again?)

Now I’m not suggesting Burkhead be banned from believing what he believes, doing what he does, or talking about that stuff to similarly insane people. It makes me wonder, though, why ESPN needs this type of batshit-crazy yahoo on its staff. Don’t think he’s batshit crazy based on the bio snippets above? Take a look at these excerpts from his first blog post (emphasis added):

In the spring, turkey hunting will be a prominent feature of H365, as yours truly and a host of camo-clad hunting brethren continue the pursuit of these cagey birds.

(Nope. Nothing gay-sounding here.)

From Osceolas in Florida to Easterns across the Deep South and Midwest to Rios and Merriams out west, we’ll go all out in this space to help you tag a trophy tom this spring. And perhaps, even help you exorcise a sharp spurred, long-bearded demon haunting your dreams since giving you the slip last spring.

(I have nothing pithy to add, but this struck me as something a crazy person would say. For the record, a long-bearded demon haunting you in your sleep is NOT gay.)

Because if you’re like me, your days are not only driven by such things as faith, family, and making sure that the bills get paid — they are also driven by the primal pursuit placed into the breast of man by his Creator — a passion for hunting.

(The Creator God and His Son, Jesus Christ, love men and hate animals. Hence his placing the drive toward the primal pursuit — a passion for hunting — into the breast of man. Did I mention that none of this sounds even remotely gay?)

OK. So let me get this straight. First ESPN suspends Dana Jacobson for saying Fuck Jesus on her own time. Now they give this guy a position of prominence in their sports-media empire. Did Fox News wrestle ESPN from Disney? Or has Disney just lost its fucking mind? Either way, I’m thinking my visits to ESPN.com will be fewer and farther between.

Honestly, that’s a lie. I plan to visit Burkhead’s blog all the time just so I can make fun of it.

ESPN’s Dana Jacobson said “Fuck Jesus” during an off-air roast of Mike Golic, an ESPN radio personality and a former D-lineman at the Jesus-loving quasi-cult that is Notre Dame. She has been suspended for a week by the network. For saying “Fuck Jesus.” In a room full of adults. At a roast. That was not on the air. Where people are supposed to be kooky and zany and make people laugh.

Saying “Fuck Jesus” didn’t get you a one-week suspension when I was twelve and went to a Catholic elementary school. And those nuns were bitches. They didn’t take any shit.

Note to ESPN: Lighten the fuck up.

Note to Dana Jacobson: Next time, draw a beard on a blow-up doll, put a crown of thorns on its head and a giant, multi-colored strap-on around its waist, then bring it on stage with you and give them a real reason to suspend you. Then go work for the Golf Channel.

Note to Jesus: Call me.

I rarely get the opportunity to say that a decision I made was forward-thinking. I’m usually in a constant state of reaction, juking and jiving as the ship goes down and the water level rises all around me. But today verified something I felt strongly about four months ago, even though there was little by way of concrete facts to support those feelings. For once in my life, I got my ass off the boat BEFORE it sank, doing so on my own terms.

Just to fill people in on what I’m talking about here, the long-rumored merger between NBA Entertainment and Turner Broadcasting was finalized today. I can only imagine the tone of conversations in and around my former place of employment. Here are the nuts and bolts of the press release:

Turner Broadcasting and NBA Broaden Partnership with Digital Rights Agreement (click here for full press release)

ATLANTA AND NEW YORK, Jan. 17, 2008 — Turner Broadcasting System, Inc. (TBS, Inc.) and the National Basketball Association (NBA) today announced a ground-breaking expansion of the longest-running league/network programming partnership in professional sports, through which the companies will jointly manage a portfolio of the NBA’s digital businesses that TBS, Inc. will operate out of its Atlanta production facility. The new domestic digital rights relationship, will allow TBS, Inc. and the NBA to further enrich the fan experience through NBA assets that complement the current NBA programming airing on Turner’s TNT. The partnership will be fully effective for the 2008-09 NBA season and run through the 2015-16 season.

David Levy, president of Turner Broadcasting Sales, Inc. and president of Turner Sports, and Adam Silver, NBA Deputy Commissioner and COO, will jointly manage the venture and will appoint a General Manager responsible for the oversight of the NBA digital businesses.

Before I spent my time on this current independent venture, I worked for NBA Entertainment for two years. It was fulfilling for about six months before turning into a creative gulag run with an iron fist by borderline incompetents who ignored every suggestion from their staff and operated in perpetual fear of catching fire from the 5th Avenue office of Czar Stern, a man who seemed to me little more than a grubby profit monger and meddlesome tyrant fueled by his own narcissism and a mind-boggling refusal to respect and understand his players and the people who pay to watch them.

I should point out that the soldiers in the field, those who actually did the work and carried out the company’s initiatives, were all great people who did their jobs to the best of their abilities. The problems started at the management level. Employees, again those who actually did the work day in and day out, spoke all the time about how the people in charge of television and internet content seemed clueless to the operational details of their business. It was widely questioned by employees whether or not these execs had any experience running such a massive operation at all.

“How could this be?” you ask. “High-level executives who made content decisions about news coverage, the backbone of live-sports media, had close to no experience operating a live-event model? How could such unqualified people attain these lofty positions of authority?”

They kissed the ass and shined the shoes of the Commissioner, that’s how. In my experience, that was the thing that mattered most at NBAE. It all came down to who you sucked up to the most. Manage up. Respect the hierarchy. Don’t ruffle feathers. Cave to sponsors. Don’t question your bosses, no matter how ridiculous their request or idea. That was the company line. Those things always mattered more than delivering accurate information that fans, the people who paid all our salaries, wanted to see and read.

This was no more clear to me than one night during last season’s Finals when, after the Cleveland Cavaliers were routed by the San Antonio Spurs, we at NBA.com did what we had routinely done every night during the season: We published the game’s recap that had been written and transmitted to us by The Associated Press. However, the tone of the recap was less than favorable to the Cavs and one of their young superstars. After all, they had just been destroyed by a superior team on the game’s biggest stage. There was little to say to sugarcoat their effort.

Within minutes of the recap’s publication, our phones began ringing and our editors were told by our bosses at the NBA to remove and/or alter the story The Associated Press had written because the higher-ups with the Cavs were unhappy with it and feared upsetting their young superstar. This young superstar is also one of the new faces of the league, a big-time moneymaker, and the latest figure to stake a claim to the throne left empty by Michael Jordan’s third and final retirement. He also has a lucrative endorsement deal with an apparel giant that pumps millions of dollars into the league. These are not entities the NBA wants to upset. So the order was made, and, after some internal bickering and some cursing and desk kicking from me, the story was changed, even though the EXACT SAME STORY could be seen in countless other newspapers and websites. When fans went to NBA.com and read the game recap, complete with AP accreditation, they were forced to read a watered down version of what they could see in countless other locations. As a journalist and as a fan, this shameless, unabashed effort to appease corporate interests made me sick. And I won’t mention how uncomfortable I felt having to alter the work of The Associated Press, one of the most widely read and well-respected sources in the industry. I decided to quit on my drive home, though it took a bit longer to finalize my decision.

This was not an isolated incident. People I worked with, who had been with the league longer than I had, often spoke about the way they covered Kobe Bryant missing portions of Lakers games a few years back because he was facing rape charges and had to appear in court. NBA TV and NBA.com simply said Kobe arrived late to these games “due to personal reasons.” Everyone on Earth not living under a rock knew the circumstances around Kobe’s absence. Refusing to deliver the facts did everyone — fans, employees, the greater journalism community — a grave disservice. Extend the same methodology to other ugly incidents the NBA and its players have gotten into and you begin to understand what motivated NBAE under the in-house regime. A company like that simply cannot compete with other legitimate sources of news and information.

It would be fine if NBAE simply came out and admitted to the public that it is no longer trying to compete with credible sports-information web sites, publications, and TV networks, but is instead in the business of painting a rose-colored image of a sport often immersed in one PR disaster after another — players fighting with fans, players firing off guns outside strip clubs, coaches and executives sexually harassing employees, and referees involved in gambling scandals, to name a few. If it is so concerned that the truth will spoil its image, then it should maintain control of its product and all relevant methods of its dissemination. It should stop covering games, teams, and player news altogether and focus only on corporate and community initiatives. It should be honest with itself and its fans. But by entering into the highly competitive arena of live-event and news coverage, the NBA clouds the line between information source and PR tool.

Ask Average Joe flipping channels or surfing the web what he thinks of NBA TV and NBA.com. Unless he is incredibly savvy and spends time analyzing the variances in coverage and the holes in the NBA’s presentation of facts, it is likely he will be unable to comprehend the extent to which the league controls the information made available to him. I’m not saying the other league-owned sites and networks are free of this problem. I’m just saying it’s a bigger problem for the NBA because of the way it has chosen to run the entertainment wing of its company. Spend some time comparing NBA.com with NFL.com or MLB.com and you’ll see what I mean.

The NBA-Turner merger only makes matters worse. Rather than making things clearer, it further blurs the lines of control and calls the legitimacy of all future coverage into question. If NBA TV and NBA.com are still the official media instruments of the league, to what extent will Stern and his cronies control the editorial content of those instruments? Will they meddle with Turner’s people the way they meddled with their own? If they are willing to give up some of their editorial control, why wouldn’t they hold onto their product and do it themselves, thus allowing people to keep their jobs? If they are unwilling to let Turner work freely, how will Turner, which owns CNN after all, be able to answer critics who may claim they are willing to let corporate partners influence their coverage of all events, not just those related to the NBA? These are all questions that arise as a result of this merger. Time will tell if and how they are answered, though I wouldn’t hold my breath.

I’m sure the merger makes good business sense in the short-term and will fatten certain people’s pockets with even more cash. But that loot will be weighted with the symbolic blood of people’s jobs, and with the fragile state of media ethics and corporate transparency. I’m just glad I got out before I had to deal with any of this directly.

As most people know by know, former Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick was sentenced to 23 months in prison and three years probation by a federal judge today for his role in abusing and killing pit bulls while financing a dogfighting ring on property he owned in Virginia. The sentence is nine months longer than that suggested by the prosecution, so kudos to U.S. District Court Judge Henry Hudson for recognizing the severity and abject cruelty of this crime.

Vick and his pals, formerly in charge of Bad Newz Kennels, face similar charges in the state of Virginia. The maximum penalty for these charges is five years, and I hope Vick and the rest of them serve every day of that penalty, though it is likely the actual sentence will be less severe. Click here to find out how you can make sure Vick and Co. are prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

The lone bright spot in this case is that 47 of the 53 dogs seized from Vick’s property have been rehabilitated and recommended for placement into good homes. After a lifetime of abuse and cruelty, it’s nice to know that the majority have a chance at a happy life.

There’s an old quote by Julius Erving, which I read in one of the obituaries for the late writer David Halberstam, that goes, “Being a professional is doing the things you love to do on the days you don’t feel like doing them.”

If that statement is true, then not only is Dr. J a profound philosopher, but I am attempting to be a professional for the first time in my life. Sure, I’ve done tons of stuff when I didn’t feel like doing it, but I’ve never done something I loved to do unless I was in the mood to do it. So this is a first for me. In a way, I’m excited. In many other ways, I’m frustrated as hell.

Writing has just been a struggle today. I spent most of the afternoon laying on the couch, watching Project Runway reruns with my dog. I finally pulled myself back into my office for some work, but it’s not coming easily. To write effectively, you have to lose yourself in your story a bit, and I just can’t get myself deep enough into it. I’ll write a sentence or two and then get distracted by a song lyric or something going on out the window. If I was still in college, I would have probably turned to pharmaceuticals to help narrow my focus. But I am a responsible adult now, so there’s none of that going on here. Unfortunately.

If anyone has any suggestions to help with concentration, please pass them along. I need all the help I can get today.

Is Minnesota’s theater community serious about this?

ST. PAUL (AP) – Kirby Puckett packed a lot of drama into his short life - from jovial World Series hero and Minnesota Twins Hall of Famer to ex-ballplayer disgraced by allegations of domestic violence.

That drama fuels “Kirby,” a new play that examines Puckett’s spectacular rise and fall and what happens to larger-than-life characters when they are thrown off the pedestal. It premieres Oct. 13 at the History Theatre in downtown St. Paul. … Read more.

As much as I loved the cherubic little fellow, and as unfortunate as his situation was, I can’t imagine this will be a good or entertaining show. If I were a playwright trying to break into the business, I’d probably be pretty annoyed. For the rest of us, though, let’s laugh for a moment and move on. Silly Minnesota.