Becoming Somebody

How does a down-on-his-luck Cuban making between $10 and $15 a month spell freedom?

Thanks to his old pal Dubya, it’s no longer spelled: L-I-B-E-R-T-A-D.

No, no amigo tonto. Lo deletreas: V-E-R-I-Z-O-N o A-T-and-T. Cualquiera es aceptable.

I must give credit to the president for continuously boggling my mind with foreign-policy and humanitarian initiatives that seem a touch — oh what do I call it? — disingenuous.

Bush to let Americans send cell phones to Cuba, from CNN.com:

WASHINGTON (CNN) — The United States will allow Americans to send mobile phones to relatives in Cuba under a change in policy that President Bush announced Wednesday.

Bush said he is making the change since President Raúl Castro “is allowing Cubans to own mobile phones for the first time.”

“If he is serious about his so-called reforms, he will allow these phones to reach the Cuban people,” Bush said. […]

Bush said Wednesday it is “the height of hypocrisy to claim credit to allow Cubans to purchase appliances that virtually none of them can afford.”

The president concluded his statement by adding, “Oh snap. What do you think of me know, Castro brothers? Take that, you commie sonsabitches.”

When asked by a reporter whether he would encourage Castro to eavesdrop on calls made by Cuban citizens on those phones, as is the practice in the United States, Bush turned to Dick Cheney and winked his right eye. The vice president then leaped over the podium and onto the unsuspecting journalist. By the time members of the press corps wrestled Cheney away, all that remained of the correspondent was a necktie and a digital audio recorder.

Unfazed, once the media retook their seats, the president then revealed a new plan to send bagel slicers to Sudanese refugees, apparently in an attempt to show militia leaders in Darfur that, in a world snuggled under the warm blanket of freedom, even those escaping genocide deserve a tasty breakfast.