Becoming Somebody

Anyone who lives, as I have for years, in the Hudson River villages — Nyack, Piermont, Grandview, Palisades — knows how obnoxious local E-List celebrity Stephen Baldwin can be. Whether he’s trying to shut down adult-video boutiques or making multiple trips to the Starbucks on the corner of Main and Broadway, the star of such Hollywood classics as Bio-Dome and The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas is simply an annoying presence in an otherwise decent community.

Sure, everyone loves them some Alec. And Billy seems content to keep to himself. Hell, even Daniel has been fun to watch in his latest stint as a manic celeb-reality TV star. But holy hell is Stephen irritating. It’s probably the whole insane, right-wing Jesus-loving shit he’s into that drives me most crazy, but even if he wasn’t a Jesus Nazi he’d still bug me. He’s a slimeball and just sort of creeps me out. I think most people who’ve observed him around town would agree, as well.

And that is why I was so happy to hear little Stevie Baldwin pledge to move out of the country if Barack Obama wins the election in November, as if Obama needed any more help winning this uber-liberal portion of New York State. No one man has done more to mobilize support for Obama in the Hudson River Valley than Baldwin did this afternoon. Right now, there are legions of villagers pledging financial and organizational support to the Democratic nominee. It’s not the politics. We just want Stephen Baldwin to go far, far away.

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Note to Laura Ingraham: Stephen Baldwin only barely counts as an “actor,” and he certainly is not to be considered a “celebrity” guest or Hollywood insider.