Becoming Somebody

The most interesting thing I’ve read about last night’s results from primaries in Indiana and North Carolina isn’t that Barack Obama more or less locked up the Democratic nomination but that John McCain, running uncontested for all practical purposes on the Republican side, failed to muster 80 percent of the vote in either state, a pathetic showing for a man without any legitimate opposition on his party’s ticket.

The all-but-official Republican nominee garnered just 78 percent of the vote in Indiana. Mike Huckabee, out of the race since March 4, earned 10 percent, and Mitt Romney, who gave up his quest for the top slot back on Feb. 7, netted five. Meanwhile, Ron Paul, battling these days on principle alone, notched seven percent.

In the Tar Hell State, which many have been predicting McCain will carry in the fall, his performance was even more inept. He beat Huckabee 74 percent to 12, while four percent decided all options sucked equally and chose instead to cast their ballot for “no preference.” All this from the party that was supposed to be unifying behind their candidate and moving full steam ahead toward the general election.

Despite J-Mac’s electoral impotence, though, his daughter is still my girl. Can’t get enough of those McCain Blogettes. If you’re reading, Meg, call me. I didn’t mean what I said outside that town hall meeting in Charlotte. I swear. I take it back. Just because you wear adult diapers and can’t remember the day of the week and wake up in the night, dripping with sweat, screaming things about Charlie and napalm doesn’t mean you’re incapable of running the free world. So we’re good now, right? Say hi to mom for me. XOXO.